Aug 31, 2012

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I have lost my self confidence

I have lost my self confidence

Question:

Assalamualaikum.w.w

I have this dark patch above my lips, it’s not facial hair it’s just dark. I asked Allah to get rid of it for nearly 2 years now. It knocks my confidence and self-esteem down. I have only started noticing it when I was 17. Because of it i don’t go out and socialise. I don’t even go out with my sister when she is with her female friends. I hate meeting new people because they will laugh at me. and I even missed my friend’s wedding. I’m always stuck at home and miserable. I hate making a dua for Allah to get rid of it because I feel as if he will punish me by giving me bad health or something. Because I should be happy I have legs, hands etc. But I hate having this; I don’t even want to get married. I don’t even have the confidence to meet women because of this. Also couple of months ago when I was starting school I made new friends who were ok at the beginning then I realised that they were talking behind my back trying to get rid of me because all they do is gossip and i don’t like doing that and we have nothing in common. when i realised they didn’t want me I left the group myself and i was lonely at school for 4 months, in the beginning it was ok because i had faith and hope that Allah will give me new friends then when i realised that Allah is not going to give me friends i started swearing at him. and i kept thinking about suicide everyday i used to come home and cry all night. is this a test from Allah and did i fail since i swore at Allah but i was patient later. Alhamdulilah in march 4 months of misery n loneliness i got friends. but the thing is i didn’t communicate for 4 months because at school i don’t talk and at home, I find it difficult to communicate, What shall I do ?

Answer:

In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh

At the outset, you should understand that life is all about challenges. By facing challenges and tests in our daily life we should not lose hope and become desponded; rather we should become stronger in our faith and conviction in Allah Ta’ala. We should take these challenges to be all from the side of Allah Ta’ala. It is our true belief that all good and bad which befalls a believer is from the side of Allah Ta’ala.

Nabi Sallalahu Allaihi Wassalam has mentioned in a Hadith;

عن أبى هريرة قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم  إن الله لا ينظر إلى صوركم وأموالكم ولكن ينظر إلى قلوبكم وأعمالكم.

Verily Allah Ta’ala does not look at your figure or wealth , rather He looks at your heart and actions.[1]

So similarly, you should not be desponded by facing these challenges, rather you should take it to be a passing phase in your life. After all we see in the above hadith that a person’s outer appearance is not judged by Allah Ta’ala. In order for a person to be successful a person’s actions is taken into consideration.

Likewise you should work towards your future by beautifying your actions and leave all these worldly distractions aside. You should make dua to Allah Ta’ala and ask him to make every stage of your life easy and He should make you a true obedient servant of his. Together with that you should be punctual on your 5 daily Salaah, recitation of the Holy Quraan, Tasbeeh Faatimi after every Salaah, assisting your mum in the daily household chores etc; and in your free time you should read the books of the pious and illustrious scholars of Islam, like Behisti Zewar of Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi and the Fadaail Amaal of Hadrat Sheikh Zakariya Rahimahumullahu rahmataw waasiatan and many other reliable authors. Inshallah if you would follow the examples of these pious and extraordinary women mentioned in these books, Allah Ta’ala would make you from amongst them. Aameen

We make dua to Allah Ta’ala that he reliefs you from your distress and grants you a peaceful and a blissful life. Aameen

And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best

Mufti Luqman Hansrot

Fatwa Dept.


[1]  صحيح مسلم, باب تحريم ظلم المسلم  , مكتبه رشيدية, دهلى , ج2 , ص317

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