I want a pious partner for marriage and my mum wants the opposite for me
As-sallamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullah
Noble Shaykh, I’m 27 years old male. I became a practicing Muslim since 2 years Alhamdulillah by the grace of Allah. I try my utmost to follow the Shari’ah and guidance of Deen in every aspect of my life. But my family, siblings and parents they are not practicing at all, and I’m facing some difficulties which every practicing ones are coming across in families these days. Following that year when I came to Deen, my mother told me for engagement with her sister’s (i.e., my aunt’s) daughter. She is 10 years younger than me. However, I do not have any problem with the age etc… But my problem is; that I want a wife who would be religiously committed as there is a hadith of Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (otherwise).” Now, this girl is not practicing at all but good in character Allaahu aa’lam, she listens to Music, watches Movies and Dramas and does not offer Salaah. On the other hand, there is a girl religiously committed, I came to know from one of my pious friends, he told me that she is her uncle’s daughter and she is studying in a Madarsah and in a process of becoming an ‘Alimah. I asked my mother and told her about that religiously committed girl, but she plainly refused that we can’t do that. She said that we are not sure what is there ancestry, what kind of people they are? Would they be able to manage with us? She said that marrying in a new family creates a lot of problems in society and she gave me some examples too. My mother said that it is always better to marry in the relatives. She too said that, these days religious girls what they look like, in reality they are not, if talking about majority. And she assured me that her sister’s daughter will come to Deen if she will be in my company. But I am not sure?! Because Allah is the One and Only Who guides His slaves to the straight path. She says that Islam teaches you for which girl to marry, it also teaches not to disobey mother. Am I disrespecting her by not obeying her for marriage to that girl?! However, I know I love her and I obey her in every other thing. My mother already told her sister that “I want your daughter’s hand in marriage for my son.” Since then I’m trying to convince my mother that I can’t marry her. I only want to marry a religiously committed girl. I’m too much confused and tensed, and it’s already too late in my marriage now, because I’m 27. Please give me an answer in the light of Qur’an and Sunnah. I will be very thankful to you. May Allah bless you for spreading the knowledge of Deen. JazakAllahu Khayran Katheera!
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We apologize for the belated response.
Alhamdullilah, we are very pleased to see that you have become a practising Muslim. This is a great favour and Bounty which you have been blessed with from the side of Allah Ta’ala.
At the outset, your mother has not suggested a wrong marriage partner for yourself knowing the fact that the girl she suggested was your khala’s daughter (mother’s sister’s daughter). However the issue we have is with regards to Deen and not lineage. The synopsis of the hadith which you mentioned is correct. In reference to the Hadith, Rasullulah Sallalahu Allayhi Wassallam had given preference to Deen over the other three elements namely wealth, lineage and beauty.
In your circumstances we would advise you to raise your concerns with your parents in light of the blessed Ahaadith and teachings of our Beloved Prophet Sallalahu Allayhi Wassallam. If Allah wills your mother would understand your concern and speak to her sister of your choice and preference. Perhaps that proposed girl might change her ideologies and thinking and might wish to change her life according to the Sunnah of our Prophet Sallalahu Allayhi Wassallam which in return might be conducive to you. However if this scenario does not favour your ideologies, you may wish to opt for the better from the beginning which is Deen in searching for a rightful partner.
We make Dua Allah Ta’ala grants you a pious spouse who would be the coolness of your eyes. Aameen
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Mufti Luqman Hansrot
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 عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: ” تنكح المرأة لأربع: لمالها ولحسبها وجمالها ولدينها، فاظفر بذات الدين، تربت يداك .
( صحيح البخاري , دار طوق النجاة , ج 7 , ص 7 )