I feel I will leave Islam at this rate please advice me
I am in allot of trouble and pain within myself. I am very conflicted and confused. I practiced Islam allot however lately shaytan has overpowered me. Previously I had a masturbation addiction which I could not stop. I have started to come away from Islam and I started hating Islam, I feel very depressed as I love Islam but I’m doing very bad things to such an extent I even ripped the Quran and abused it and said very foul things in my lust. I am finding it very difficult to control myself. I feel I will leave Islam at this rate, I don’t know what to do. I am writing to you as a last resort as I’ve tried everything but shaytan is acting very strong on me. I even prayed to shaytan one morning whilst masturbating but as I finished I felt so depressed I wanted to take my own life. I want to be a good Muslim and stop all these foul and disgusting habits but my problem is severe as I’m starting to commit blasphemy which is the biggest sin and I heard it is unforgivable. What should I do. Please help me and give me some solution some active things to do and is it possible for me to be a Muslim or am I just going to hell.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Alhamdullilah, At the outset we are very pleased to see you turn to the Ulama for advice after committing such heinous acts in your life. The mere fact you have regretted after committing these actions is wonderful. Regret and remorse is from amongst the first steps of seeking forgiveness and repentance. Allah Ta’ala looks for an excuse to forgive his servants at any point as long as he is sincere and willing to repent.
After analysing your situation we would advise you to act upon the following advice;
1. Seek sincere forgiveness and repentance from Allah Ta’ala over the actions committed.
Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Holy Qura’an;
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ
إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”
If you would turn the pages of history you would find many people who committed the most despicable actions on the face of the earth, however when the doors of Hidayat (guidance) were flung open they entered them without any hesitation thus repented and became the close and dear friends of Allah Ta’ala.
Allah Ta’ala makes mention in the Holy Qura’an ;‘And whoever does a wrong or wrongs himself but then seeks forgiveness of Allah will find Allah Forgiving and Merciful’’.
If one would ponder over the Majesty of Allah Ta’ala, one would realise that the mercy of Allah Ta’ala is greater and more overpowering then his anger as mentioned in the Hadith narrated on the authority of Sayyiduna Abu Huraira Radiyallahu Anhu.
Rasullulah Sallalahu Allayhi Wassallam mentions;
عن أبي عبيدة بن عبد الله ، عن أبيه ، قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم :
التائب من الذنب ، كمن لا ذنب له
One who repents from sin is like one who has no sin.
2. Link yourself to a Sheikh who is not just a scholar of Deen, but such a scholar who is master in the field of Islaah (Rectification of the soul and heart), hence if you would attach yourself with such a Sheikh and you would report to him your weaknesses from time to time he would be able to guide you and strengthen you in order to fight your nafs (Desires) and shaitaan (Satan) who is the enemy of man. Once you heart is purified you would find joy and ecstasy in the worship of Allah Ta’ala.
3. Completely leave out watching any material which would cloud your mind with filth and arouse your desires which will lead you to committing actions which are heinous.
4. Try to perform you five times daily Salaah with Jamaat.
5. Recite Durood and Salaawat upon our beloved Prophet Sallalahu Allayhi Wassallam in abundance.
6. Make it a habit to give out charity regularly even though it might be a small and a meagre amount.
We make Dua Allah Ta’ala accepts your forgiveness and grants you the sweetness of Imaan and makes you from amongst his chosen and obedient servants. Aameen
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Mufti Luqman Hansrot
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 Surah Az-Zumar, Verse 53
وَمَن يَعْمَلْ سُوءًا أَوْ يَظْلِمْ نَفْسَهُ ثُمَّ يَسْتَغْفِرِ اللَّهَ يَجِدِ اللَّهَ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا.
 Surah An-Nisā, Verse 110
 عن أبي هريرة، قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إن الله عز وجل، لما خلق الخلق، كتب بيده على نفسه: إن رحمتي تغلب غضبي.
(سنن ابن ماجه, دار إحياء الكتب العربية , ج2 , ص1435 )