I often stay awake to search for my answers about Islam
I often stay awake at night to search answers for my questions about Islam, and to learn more about religion. After school, I immediately go home and don’t want to go anywhere with my friends because I need to check if there’s the answer from Sheikh. I don’t tell my mother why I’m doing that, I say that’s for some another reason. I lie because she is not happy about my decision to practice Islam. When I was telling her that I’m repeating Shahadah a lot of times a day and that I associate almost everything with kufr, she became really angry and said that’s all because I’m too much into all this, and that she will hide my clothes for prayer and forbid me to pray or fast. Is it ok for me to lie because of this? And if it’s not, do I have to tell everything to her and repeat Shahadah because I was lying to her about my intention to avoid kufr?
As-salāmu ‘Alaykum Wa-rahmatullāhi Wa-barakātuh.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
We take note of your concern and pray to Allah to keep you steadfast on His deen.
It is highly encouraged to learn about one’s religion, so much so that it is one of the obligations. After all, it is not possible to fulfil on the commandments of religion without knowing what Allah requires from us. We commend you on your aspiration to learn deen to practice. With that being said, we must emphasize that acquisition of knowledge and its implementation has its own decorum. This decorum demands that a person keeps one’s character in complete check. This would mean that one is highly respectful to one’s seniors. Many times we feel hindrance from our own relatives while treading the path of knowledge, but this hindrance does not afford us the right to disrespect our elders.
Lying is a sin and it will not become a means of barakah (Blessings). The most important thing for any seeker of knowledge is to make sure that Allah’s barakah overshadows ones acquisition of knowledge at all times. In your endeavour you have excelled to an extent where you have started to make this acquisition complex for yourself and your family. It is evident from your question that you have started to obsess about these matters of religion, so much so that you start to doubt your own Imaan. Making tasbeeh of shahadah at all times is desirable, but not out of confusion of kufr for oneself. Allah Ta’ala tells us “Behold, in the name of Allah does the heart find content.” If that is the case, then how could learning Allah’s religion and practicing on it infuse so much discontent in one’s heart that one has to say Shahadah multiple times a day? Indeed, something is going amiss in all this acquisition.
The issue is not your having to lie to your mother, rather controlling the obssesiveness which is becoming prevalent in your own behaviour. Your mother’s retorts of hiding the clothes could very well be retaliation to such behaviour from yourself. We suggest that you take adequate measures to address this issue. This can be twofold:
- Consult a doctor to get a diagnosis about obsessive compulsion. It could be possible that this behaviour may be visible in other daily actions as well.
- Keep counsel with a religious sheikh to guide you through your situation.
I make dua that Allah keep you steadfast on your Imaan and ease your issues while keeping a healthy and beneficial relationship with your mother. Ameen
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Faisal bin Abdul Hameed,
Checked and Concurred by,
Mufti Luqman Hansrot