Keeping in Touch with the Opposite Gender


Assalamu alaikum shaykh, i am 23 years old and i love a girl in my college. She is also my classmate. We have never talked face to face but we talked on Facebook for about a month and then we stopped chatting. We are looking forward to marry each other within a year or more. In the meantime can we talk to each other sometimes on Facebook to remain in touch. What i mean here is to exchange greetings and asking about health etc and that too rarely may be once in a month… if we cant do this, kindly tell me a way wherein both of us would not feel missing each other or ignoring each other… jazakumuAllhu khaira

(Question published as received)


In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

It is prohibited for one to be in general and casual contact with a ghayr-maḥram (a person with whom nikāḥ is permissible) of the opposite gender. There is a great possibility that the general contact may blossom into a love relationship and lead to ḥarām. It is precisely for this reason that Islām has prohibited free mixing with the opposite gender and made lowering of the gaze compulsory.

Allāh Ta‘ālā says in the Qur’ān:

وَلَا تَقۡرَبُوۡا الزِّنٰٓى اِنَّهٗ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً ؕ وَّسَآءَ سَبِيۡلاً‏

“Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)” (al-Isrā’:32).

قُل لِّـلۡمُؤۡمِنِيۡنَ يَغُـضُّوۡا مِنۡ اَبۡصَارِهِمۡ وَيَحۡفَظُوۡا فُرُوۡجَهُمۡ‌ؕ ذٰلِكَ اَزۡكٰى لَهُمۡ‌ؕ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ خَبِيۡرٌۢ بِمَا يَصۡنَعُوۡنَ‏

“Say to the believers they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts, that is purer for them. Allāh is Aware of the things they do” (al-Nūr:30).

وَقُل لِّـلۡمُؤۡمِنٰتِ يَغۡضُضۡنَ مِنۡ اَبۡصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحۡفَظۡنَ فُرُوۡجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبۡدِيۡنَ زِيۡنَتَهُنَّ اِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنۡهَا‌ وَلۡيَـضۡرِبۡنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلٰى جُيُوۡبِهِنَّ‌

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms…” (al-Nūr:31)

Contact with the opposite gender is like touching a live wire. One will be shocked and could risk the loss of his life. Likewise, the unnecessary contact with the opposite gender kills the spirituality as he follows his lust and desires.

In your case, your wish to be in contact with the girl in reference is the consequences of your previous contact. If you did not have the previous contact, you would not have had this desire in you now. The previous contact has created an urge and uneasiness in you to be in contact with the girl again. If this feeling is the consequence of your previous contact, imagine the consequences of being in contact again or having continuous connection with her. You will have demands of other feelings in you. Allāh forbid those demands will also be trespassing the limits of Sharī‘ah like this present feeling. Sharī‘ah wishes for you to live a normal peaceful life. Do not deprive yourself of the peace by introducing the contact of ghair-maḥram women in your life. You may think you will be more peaceful. However, you will be in more grief and pain.

If you wish to marry the girl in reference, propose to her and marry her. There would then be a need of missing her as she will be yours.

And Allāh Ta‘ālā knows best
(Mufti) Bilal Issak al-Mahmudi
Fatwa Dept.

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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