My sister’s husband passed away recently. It was so sudden, we are all in great shock. We just don’t know how to console her. Is there any book or hadith can you refer so we can help her and comfort her. Some family members are asking that why don’t we have any grief counseling? We tell them that praying salat and quran is the great source of comfort, but still is there anything else we can do?
Another question is that can a wife touch her deceased husband after he had given gusl and kafan and ready for burial? Some old people stop her from touching her husband. We would really appreciate your prompt reply.
In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu
We sympathize at the death of your sister’s husband, May Allah Ta‘ala grant your sister and the entire family Sabr jameel and grant the deceased Jannatul firdous. Aameen
The reward of Allah is better for you all than the deceased. And Allah is better for the deceased than yourselves.
Allah Ta‘ala mentions in the Holy Quraan:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنْفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ , الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُمْ مُصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ
“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-SâbirIn (the patient ones etc.). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: Truly! To Allâh we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. They are those on whom are the Salawât (i.e. blessings, etc.) (I.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones”
(Surah Baqarah.Verse 155-157)
In instances where Allah Ta‘ala tests man in different ways one should exercise Sabr (patience). For Allah Ta‘ala mentions in the Holy Quraan:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
“Surely, Allah is with those who are patient”
(Surah Baqarah.Verse 153)
Mufti Shafi Saheb Rahmatullahi Allaihi mentions in Mariful Quraan under the commentary of this verse that Allah Ta‘ala assures us here that He is with those who are patient, this promise applies, above all, to those who offer perform Salaah, whether Fard (obligatory) or Nafl (supererogatory), as Salaah is the supreme form of worship.
The Arabic term Sabr is more comprehensive than its usual English equivalent, “patience”. Lexically, the word “Sabr” signifies “restraining one self, or keeping one’s self under control.” In the terminology of the Holy Quraan and the Hadith ‘Sabr’ has three modes:
- Restraining oneself from what the Shariah has declared to be illegal or impermissible (Haraam).
- Forcing oneself to be regular in the observance of the different forms of worship and to be steadfast in obeying the commandments of Allah and The Holy Prophet صلي الله عليه وسلم.
- To endure all kinds of trouble and pain – in other words, to understand clearly and to believe that it is the will of Allah to make one undergo some test or calamity, and to hope that one shall receive a reward for this suffering.
According to the Hadith, people will hear a call on the day of judgement, “Where are the Sabirun?” at this those who had been constant in observing the three forms of Sabr will stand up, and they will be allowed to enter paradise without having to present the account of their deeds. In citing this hadith, Ibn Katheer Rahmatullahi Allai points out that it is corroborated by the Holy Quraan itself:
إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُمْ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ
“The Sabirun shall certainly receive their full reward without reckoning”
(Surah Zumar, Verse 10)
Reciting the following verse is very effective during adversities.
إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ
“We belong to Allah and to him we are to return”
(Surah Baqarah.Verse 156)
If the husband dies, it is permissible for the wife to give him ghusal (Burial) and make him wear the kafan. But if the wife dies, it is not permissible for the husband to touch her with his bare hands (nor is it permissible for him to give her ghusal). However, it is permissible for him to look at her and touch her while she is covered.[1)
And Allah Ta‘ala knows best
Mufti Luqman Hansrot
 (Bahisti Zewar, Vol 1, Pg 238, Zam zam publishers)
ويجوز للمرأة أن تغسل زوجها إذا لم يحدث بعد موته ما يوجب البينونة من تقبيل ابن زوجها أو أبيه وإن حدث ذلك بعد موته لم يجز لها غسله
(فتاوى هندية،مكتبه رشيديه، ص160،ج1)
( ويمنع زوجها من غسلها ومسها لا من النظر إليها على الأصح ) منية .
(رد المحتار ،سعيد، ص198،ج2)
والزوجة تغسل زوجها دخل بها أو لا بشرط بقاء الزوجية
(البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق،مكتبه رشيديه، ص174،ج2)
(امداد الفتاوى ،مكتبه دار العلوم كراجي، ص488،ج1)
(فتاوى محموديه،جامعه فاروقيه ، ص493،ج8)
(احسن الفتاوى،سعيد، ص225،ج4)