Assalamu alaikum wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuh,
I am going through a very tough time lately, and the reason is this:
I’m gonna be 23 years old soon, and I’m not married yet, but my parents wants me to marry, they dont tell it explicitly but they way the talk to me is very clear, they cant wait for me to marry.
The problem is that they dont help me in this, they want me to wait for someone to propose me, or to find someone from my own culture and country by myself.
People from my country are not very religious. Most of the people from my country are not interested in girls like me who wear hijab and abaya, and they are not interested in girls over 24 years old.
Now I am really worried, next year Im gonna be 24 if nobody will be interested in me, Im afraid Im gonna live alone for ever.I had some proposal from other brothers from other countries but my family dont agree just because they are not form our same country.This makes me angry. Hence I am starting to hate my parents.
How long should I wait for the man of THEIR dreams to propose me? if I have a proposal from a brother of my own country but whos not practicing islam, what should I do? should I accept to marry him only to please my parents?
When I try to talk to them about brothers who proposed me (form other countries or reverted brothers) they get angry. They are concerned only about their own happiness. THis makes me sad. ANd I dont know how to stop hating them for this. They expect me to marry, but they dont help me in this. THey only make me even more depressed by refusing the proposals of those who dont belong to our culture even if they are good brothers in Islam.
How can I stop hating them? How can I be patient? Ive been patient until now, but now I am afraid that Im gonna live alone forever just because I didnt found yet the man of THEIR dreams.
I dont want to live alone for the rest of my life.
My Allah forgive me for complaining but I dont really know who to talk about this. ALL their friends are like them, so I dont even know anybody who can convince them to change their mind. Please advice me.
May Allah reward you.
In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We understand that you are very upset with the unfavourable and unsupportive decision of your parents with regards to finding a suitable marriage partner of your choice. During this stage you would be facing a very crucial and challenging time in your life, by which it would be utmost important for you to control yourself by being cool and calm and controlling your emotions and feelings, try not to become confrontational and argue mental with your parents.
Your notion of you feeling that your parents wish to get rid of you might not be the case, instead they would wish the best for you just as it is the wish and desire of every parent to see the success of their child whether it is their education, career or finding a suitable marriage partner, however due to them not being affiliated to any Islamic Scholars or being very Deeni inclined their perspective of a finding a pious partner would not be their criteria for you. It is a very sad situation that nowadays some parents fail to support their children in such an important decision of their life.
We would advise you to firstly turn to Allah Ta‘ala and seek his help and guidance in this matter, perform all your Salaah, recite abundance of Durood to the Prophet Sallalahu Allayhi Wassallam, be patient and not feel despondent whilst controlling your respect and chastity. It is our Aqeedah and belief that Taqdeer (fate) lies in the hands of Allah Ta‘ala, so whatever is destined for you would happen and none can stop that.
We make Dua that Allah Ta‘ala makes your matters easy and grants you a pious upright husband who would be the coolness of your eye’s. Aameen
And Allah Ta‘ala knows best
Checked and Approved by
Mufti Luqman Hansrot
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